Feature Article

Mike Crespino

I think I would like to win the lottery, but if I couldn’t do that I’d like to stop stressing out about not having any money.

State your name in alias’ only:

mike”el dober”crespino

 What is your objective?

i think i would like to win the lottery, but if i  couldn’t do that i’d like to stop stressing out about not having any money..

How do you dry Authentic Italian sausages the true Old World
, no preservatives, extra lean?

i haven’t done any drying myself, my old man and my grandparents
would make  ground patties old world style but its really bad for
you,  makes your brownstar a burning ring of fire.

What’s Sicily famous for? (besides sending people to the hospital)

is that some kind of sicilian joke! if you need some help,sicily
is famous for its huge distribution of fine extra virgin olive oils and
also its heroin refineries that have a share with the turks.

Are you a family man?

oh yeah,its my number one priority to provide  for my son.
He’s  6 and i’m 24, its really cool to be a dad but i know its not
for  everybody. He comes up to me and just blows my mind.

We’ve had to do some growing up together and he knows it. We’re actually
best friends, i teach him to read and skate and he shows me the ropes of
the responsibilities to being a good father.

What side of the skateboard are you from?  Where are your roots?
Where is  paradise?

i grew up in eureka california, and ever since i  was 4 i rode skateboards around,early late 70’s cruiser slalom surf board with almost  urethane wheels, that was my freedom in my neighborhood just circle my block a million times a day. It  wasn’t until i was twelve that i had seen any up to date magazines or anything. This was the summer of 86, when i went into 7th grade i had it all,my board, the goofy bangs, powell bones sweaty pants, people sweating me because i skated, if you skated in my town you had to get your ass kicked all the time by high school kids. It’s not like that now im sure,.but man it was fun being able to piss people off  at that age.
Besides writhing in pain, what else do you like to do?

It’s true, i fall hard. When im  not in the hospital e.r. i
like to mess around with my guitar, paint, sometimes it’s fun. Go thrift
shopping i love listening to records and c.d.s, my two favorite now are
the Replacements, seriously good rock n roll there. Um, chill out with the
sulla” spending saturdays with Colin eatin cereal and watching
cartoons. You know, sicilian stuff.

Do you have any phobia’s?

i just hope i never lose any limbs, i’ve been  in a few car
crashes, man that shit is weird, one of the times i ripped my ear pretty
good, pullin windsheild bits out of my forehead and elbows. It happens so
slow motion and then it’s over so fast. i think you have instant shock
before you know what’s happening.

Tree hugger or cow fucker? (you don’t have to answer this one!)
version… Are you a hippie or a redneck?

let them worry about it,i have my issues that don’t really play in
that ring. Hippies stink here in  Port land, and they always have
a sad lil puppy dog around scrounging change with  them, all the while
sitting on their trust fund. All the freaky white trashes all live in Gresham,
who knows when their methlabs are gonna blow? ill say im neither at this
point,but the future….

Who hooks you up?

i get boards from rdc out of portland, spitfire gives
me all kinds of stuff , best wheels. My buddy Joel Price gets me stuff
in his boxes from freedumb and other various notions. And i like all the
guys at cal skate they are total geeks just like me, reminds me
of the old days when i was a kid going into a shop, they’re like the older
guys that always heckled me.

Say something nice about your girl and your kid!

My son Colin is crazy and that’s the way i like him. If you cuss
around him, he’ll charge you a quarter, he got rocker dave seriously owing
him some bucks. me too but i’m not like Dave, king cuss a lot. My girl
Cora has to put up with a lot from me, i’m always hurt, i go to the hospital
maybe 8 to 15 times a year no joke, and i dont think i’ve met anyone who
really believed in me like that and she just rules, she just deals with
it and when i say deals with it i’m talking about everything, hole in my
hip, spinal tap, good days bad days ……great girl.

 spinal tap…………

Lets say that skater X is having some serious migraines
and is vomiting profusely. The pain is almost funny as X then proceeds
to yell and scream obscenities at any living soul or noisy inanimate object.”shut
you godamn noise up ” he whines in sharpened tongues.   X,
now very much consumed by the throbbing stabs running through his eyes,decides
maybe to call his doctor. The doctor has a clue of what might be in store
for X, but holds to be reserved so that X will come in to
figure it out.

All the usual diagnostics are tallied and X‘s temp seems
to be soaring well over the normal 98.6. At this point X is feeling
more lousy because of all the people around are poking and prodding and
worst of all talking. It is then diagnosed as some strain of meningitis
(either spinal; uncurable or viral, a passing infection of the fluid in
the spine.).but how do we really know for sure?

SPINAL TAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As soon as all the usual medications (i.v demerol
drip lines,anti nausea injections,and saline for the veins) are applied
it is time for X to receive one of the most painful procedures in
medicine today. X is instructed to lie very still in the fetal position,with
his head tucked into his chest. X finds this hard because the viral
menengitis is locking up his neck and backbone. You would think after hearing
you are getting a spinal tap, that this would be no problem.Think again.

Alrighty, on with the game, fetal position
is now achieved by X, whom is not proud of this trying feat. The
E.R. technicians will now proceed to break out with a very thin but very
long needle with a little reservoir at the base for ample fluid collection.
sees the doctor holding this “tap” and knows the party is almost over.
Trying his hardest, X holds the child like position and lets out
a wince. Soon the needle will prod his very existence. With a sharp,dull
jab to the center of X