Tear that pinkie off son, you're numero uno now...
...and THIS is pretty much only a small part of why.
Cab, battered but unbroken.
To All of Those I Have Wronged.---
Wi-Fi? Unreliable. My typing skills? Even worse. And maybe last night's earthquake was simply an aftershock of went went down on Saturday. I got a wrong placing sheet, and yeah, I pretty much suck. So for the less than 24 hours that a screwed up version of the results was out there on the vans dot com site, you can hate me all you want. The Protec ruled again. I sucked, what do you want? Maybe I'm just burnt out. Maybe I should have socked up the kook video guy who decided to post up right in front of me as I was trying to get the results. Maybe I should have yelled out my insults louder. Maybe I should have done what much wiser folks like Big Jer did, and wasted away in beer-ville at the cafe tu tango or wherever from noon until 10PM. Maybe I should have taken Patrick's 20 dollars. And I definitely should have had more beers. For all of my shortcomings, I still understand that skateboarding and beer are inseparable buddies, brothers 'til the end. Heaven forbid I try and separate these symbiotic siblings, it just doesn't work. Syrupy, guarana-infused stimulant sodas suck. Maybe it sucks even more that this article isn't going to be a blow-by-blow of this year's contest, but most of you motherfuckers were either there or watching the fantastic web/HD deal on fuelTV, or maybe you just didn't care. And you shouldn't. I mean fuck, the Captain and Casey signing autographs, while the contest is going on? Wow, tremendously brilliant move. The lines were so long it would have taken you at least 9 seconds to get right up to the front. By now you're probably assuming this will be one lengthy whining diatribe bemoaning the contest environment, the jam format, the judging, and so forth, but really my only complaints are based largely on my own intolerance of others, my lack of patience, and my incompetence. Feel free to launch a softball at my head.
Look familiar? Classic Hosoi, flying.
The ever casual Chris Miller, putting the hammer down.
Who are you, and why are you here?
Nash absolutely killed it, and woah, hey now, look at those meats!
The E.G. / Lyle love connection.
All flip, no flounder. Santa Cruz Skateboards' latest talented acquisition Josh Borden.
Hults approves, and sports the best in appropriate attire.
Just stale old Lester Kasai.
Nude Descending a Staircase, the Large Glass, R. Mutt, and other Duchampian Mythologies.---
Complete and flawless documentation of an event of this magnitude would be a foolhardy endeavor. Sort of like Yahoo Gamechannel™ for the NBA. --12:04 Bryant passes to Gasol. 12:01 Gasol passes to Odom. 11:56 Gasol fouled-- etc... Pretty fucking boring. And besides, how are you going to describe a trick with absolute detail that it paints a proper mental picture? Seeing is believing, and that's all there really is to it. There were definitely more than a few self-styled provocateurs saying that this would be the final year of the ProTec contest, that it had run it's course, that it wasn't as exciting or amazing as it was in past years... that it was now nothing more than a predictably overblown stunt show. These opinions fly each year with more regularity and yet each time Steve and Christie Van Doren and the entire Vans family host the event of the year. They give a shit about skateboarding, more than most in fact. They bring in a few big money sponsors and make sure that everybody enjoys it. 5 years in, it's still a good one. Heavy duty skateboarding chaos in a packed house. What more could you ask for? Expectations are always surpassed and surprises always surface. Outside of this environment life moves at a snail's pace, the orange county mall-crawlers stroll amongst the odd retail establishments unaware of the massive release of energy happening a few units over.
The hardest-working Moose in show business.
Six men enter, one man leaves.
Boyster took out a light with this attempt, raining glass down on the final minute of his heat.
Futurific! Michael Brookman is more than ready to step on up.
Wanna fight? MRZ and JGB, ready to fucking rumble with the AM$UMERS, poachers and other bottom feeders.
A bunch of irrelevant garbage.---
Someone leaned over during the Masters' finals and asked why I thought it was so eerily silent when Tmag was riding. All I could muster was very dishonest shrug. That's just the way it goes, nobody is going to take the time to explain it. Tmag skated pretty fucking good, and probably doesn't care about what some spectator thinks of him. And for all of you fools that thought Pedro Barros got "ripped off", go back and watch the video, muted. The kid is on fire without a doubt, and he will soon be very near the top of the ranks. It's quite possible that nobody wants to see this young gun from Brasil embrace the Shaun White "more spins, more points" paradigm. The kid has many years ahead of him to work on surpassing the top dogs, so just be hyped that there is another generation coming up and let it go already. To the guy who whined about the park being shut down on his son's birthday, and having to pack up the kid and his razor scooter and go home bummed, next time do your research and don't cop an attitude with the gate minders. Mall security and the OC swine force had a field day confiscating people's bags of weed, writing tickets, and towing people's cars away including one Bob Burnquist's vehicle. What a waste of precious policing resources. One day out of the year, and they still won't let freedom ring.
Ngoho finesses a floater.
Omar, owning it.
Pedro Barros in orbit.
Priscilla Lee killing it.
Without a doubt, one of the best things to happen at the ProTec in quite a while. Red.
Impressive debuts and classic power struggles.---
You can't say enough positive things about the youngsters in the pro division. This year, Josh Rodriguez, Michael Brookman, Josh Borden, Matt Boyster, and Pedro Barros made things beyond interesting. Borden's been in there kicking ass and taking names for a couple of years now, but he's still just a pup. The rest of these kids are just plain gnar. Different styles, different approaches, and hungry as fuck. In the ladies' division, both CB and Mimi sat it out and let the youth battle for the scraps. Julie Kindstrand won it, as expected, and Megan Brown attacked it hard, but maybe the real story here is little Priscilla Lee. The only girl to skate in a skirt, but moreover, the only girl who lays down switch carve grinds through the corners as well as the round. For my money, it won't be long before she becomes the skater that leaves everyone else in the dust. An awesome little kid, no doubt about it. Without DP, Lance, and Grosso, the masters' division has a gaping hole in it, not for lack of talent, but simply because of their styles and their way of riding. It's like a birthday party where the kids whose birthday it is doesn't show up. Everybody will still have a good time, but something is missing. At least this year with those guys out, Christian Hosoi arrived to lay down some heavy duty lines and blew away everyone but Miller. Hosoi took his best shot, and it was a valiant one. Let there be no doubt that he has returned completely to where he once belonged. As far as the pros are concerned, Bucky has been capable of taking this one for 3 years running. The classic Omar/Rune duel is a given so you just have to come with a little extra gas in the tank. Even injured, Rune can just turn it on and ruin you, and Omar has so much in his bag it's like watching a documentary on the history of vertical skateboarding. What Bucky has though, is a bag full of stuff that nobody else really attempts, and the only question for the last 2 years was whether he could string enough of it together and get enough runs in to shut the other guys down. MRZ and I were both calling him as the projected winner before the day even got started, and I was freely offering wagers. When it came down to the finals, Bucky's opening salvoes blew everyone out. From there he was impossible to catch. And rather than sleep off his victory the following day, he invited a few heads down to sample his monster backyard bowl. True 100% skateboarder, and absolutely deserving of the top spot this year.
That's Rune's spot right there.
Now THAT'S a shoe!
Trouble.
Just a song before I go.---
Skateboarding is good. It has always been good, and days like this one just make it that much better. You might think contests are gay, and if you're looking at them with an anachronistic eye, that is indeed what you will see. But events like this are just different. The best of the best are coming out, no bullshit, no pretense, and simply going off. Nearly every head in the house is connected to the scene, and purity control is in effect. If you can't enjoy that, then I am very sorry for your shortcomings, as well as my own.
Parting Shot: Josh Rodriguez heatin' shit up before it hit the fan.
