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| APOCALYPSE NOW / VANS PROTEC POOL PARTY 2006 |
| BLKPRJKT |
Once upon a time, I was a brash, idiotic, single young man. Somehow I never got into hitting on chicks. Chicks would hit on me. Now, I'm not bragging or anything, just stating a fact. Why the fuck am I telling you this? Because, I never had to figure out and utilize witty opening pick-up lines. The point is, because of this fact, I have no idea how I am supposed to open my article on the 2006 Vans Protec Pool Party. Here is a rundown on the opening phrases I tried to craft for this story:
1. What?
2. Skateboarding contests are gay...
3. Jeff Grosso sucks.
4. Somebody brought a skateboard contest to a fistfight.
5. WHUUUUUUT?
Let's get one thing straight here. I'm not a writer. I'm an art guy. But through some odd twist of fate I found myself as the war correspondent not only for Concrete Disciples, but for Vans as well, for this event. A real writer would easily be able to describe in great vivid detail exactly what went down, using a selective vocabulary, and a vernacular which puts it all in fine literary perspective. Some people might be thinking..."yeah right... BLKPRJKT at a loss for words... the fucking guy never shuts up..." I tried to do my homework. MRZ and I essentially lived at Vans in the week leading up to the contest. I thought yeah, this will be a cakewalk, everybody is ripping, I have total access, how hard can it be to cover this thing? I thought wrong. If you weren't there, there is no way I can give you even an inkling of how intense it was. MRZ's photos will speak volumes, but even then, he would probably tell you he didn't capture it either. Look at a few and then maybe we can talk...
Daggers! Duncan and Reategui employ vandalism tactics over fresh graffiti... Gotta love that action!
Miller disappearing into the crowd...
Cosmonaut Cookiehead.
Patch, about to instigate a Hindenberg-style disaster. Frontside large.
Carabeth Burnside, Driving the Indy re-entry.
For those of you who have skated the Combi replica, you know that it isn't the sort of pool you skate when you're not on. If you do, you get punished. That pool strikes fear into me every time I ride it, I'm not afraid to admit that. I rode the original Upland version and that terrified me too. Maybe I'm just a big pussy. Maybe I'm old. No excuse though, a lot of the Master's division guys are older than me, so I'll just fucking shut up about that.
In the interest of keeping you interested, I guess I had better stop screwing around and talk about the contest. It just isn't as simple as that. To give you an overview, basically what you have is grandstands to accommodate 1500 or so people, some of the best skateboarders on the planet, way too many media personnel, free food and energy drinks, and the Combi. Add in your judges, the HMI blimps, a sound system, and an overflow crowd on adrenaline overload. This is a laundry list of things that will add up to a complete conflagration, an apocalyptic scene of pure chaos, the epicenter of the most intense explosion of skateboarding contest energy ever released in history. I don't care where you've been or what you've seen. Don't try to tell me something else was better. Let's be honest. As good as the skateboarding is in the XGames of whatever other made for TV event you can name, that stuff is all packaged for mass appeal, and that's precisely why many skaters will tell you it's lame. The skating isn't lame, but the packaging is. The beauty of the pool party is that you don't have to sell it. It's limited admission and every last person in the house knows exactly what they are seeing, and just how heavy it is. It's not made for little Sally and Jimmy junior who have probably said the words "Tony Hawk" more times than they have ever ridden the "skateboard" their parents bought for them at Target. This is the real deal. It's raw, it's dangerous, and it's downright insane. The way skateboarding should always be. A lot of people will say that a contest is lame. It can be. No judging scenario is perfect. It's a pressure environment that doesn't cater to everyone's best abilities. The thing that has to be understood though, is that of any skateboarding contest, the pool party is as good as it gets, and then some. Challenging terrain, a jam format, the toughest of the tough on the roster, and openings for mystery guests to slot their way into via their skating, not because they happen to ride for a title sponsor. They earn it.
Ngoho oozes speed, style and power. Pat straight ripped! Too bad the judges somehow went temporarily blind. Big Backside on the way to getting completely fucked out of the final. I know why this happened, but it's too lame to even mention.
John Fudala is an original fork-branded V-Beach ripper. Ask most little kids what they think about clowns and they will get the fear. So why do they keep getting hired to do birthday parties anyway?
Mimi Knoop hoists up a frontside invert. The women attacked the combi like nobody's business, impressive to say the least.
Sergie Ventura jumping in the sky, and MRZ trying to play catch up and climbing the bleachers.
That fish is really stale! Benji Galloway does them proper.
You're probably thinking to yourself, "when the hell is this guy finally going to get around to telling us what really happened?" I can't. Words are ants in the afterbirth compared to what I experienced on Saturday. The real story is in the images, and video that were shot that day, and even that can't get you 1/10th of the way there. I'm not lazy, I just can't conjure the spectacular descriptions that you want out of this. And for that I must apologize. Perhaps a few anecdotes about other random occurrences will best serve the purpose of documentation, in the form of an itemized list.
A presentation was made by Bucky Lasek, Vans, and the Make-A-Wish foundation to one tough and extremely brave young tyke named Jared at the event. Jared has been fighting the battle of his life against leukemia, and he lives for skateboarding. What more do you need but a little help from your friends? Jared is the coolest, and his love of skateboarding is one we all can relate to. We're all pulling for you little man. I'm sure that the energy of the contest gave him some added healing powers and I hope to see him skating out there one of these days.
Duane Peters skated with a double compound fracture in his foot, and as if that wasn't punk enough for you, he immediately opened up a massive gash in his forearm during qualifying and left blood everywhere until the medics forced him to let them bandage his arm.
D.P. Indy air. Battered, Unbroken. I have nothing to say that can make this any better than it looks. Long Live the Master of Disaster!
Someone mildly associated with Skateboarder Magazine was seen vomiting into a glad bag behind the bleachers, assisted by one Jake Phelps.
Skreech qualified, but decided his bad knee would best be served by saving it up for the Euro series starting this week. It matters not... Skreech made a loud and clear statement of intent and his world cup rankings will soar over the next few weeks, no doubt about it.
Little Julie Kindstrand kicked some serious ass in the Women's division, and proved that soon there will be some shake-ups in the pro women's ranks. Now, someone please shape her a board that is the right size, thanks.
I called out 17 year old Joshua Borden as a dark horse who had a good shot at taking down some of the top pros and making the finals on the Vans site, and on the morning of the event, he asked me what exactly that meant. I told him, that basically it meant someone who comes out of nowhere, a relative unknown who suddenly makes everyone aware that there is a new challenge to the throne. Josh went on to make the cut to the finals and placed 8th against the biggest, baddest pros in the world. At the after party he asked me if he "disappointed me". Listen kid, that was one of the most impressive pro debuts in history, I am in awe of you putting it together like that. Meet the new boss, NOT the same as the old boss.
The heavily rotated Josh Borden, mid-540, narrowly avoiding alien abduction.
DJ Cesar is the king. Cesar walks right in, no tickets, no credentials, and is treated like royalty. If anybody else ever tried to pull that shit, security would frog march them right the hell out of there.
The Alcatraz brewing company has a last call time of 12:30 A.M. Wrong... I guess maybe when you're dealing with skateboarders after the most insane event of the year, you have to take precautions... after all, Ben Schroeder was there.
Concrete Disciples shirts flooded the decks at the event. Yeah, we shamelessly self-promoted... You got something to say? CONCRETE DISCIPLES UBER ALLES!!! UK Floyd screamed UBER ALLES!!!!! at us in the bar until I was forced to give him the shirt off of my back. Shine on you crazy diamond!
In the final seconds of the pro jam nuclear holocaust, someone flew into the crowd on the hip touching off a fight between two heavy duty skate chicks. Both Lances jumped in and I played jersey barrier and it got quelled. Pure chaos driven by too much energy for anyone to keep their sanity. Shit happens.
How crazy did it get exactly???
Omar looking like it's all so easy. Just getting warmed up for his victory on this one-footed thing.
Lance in pure concentrated form. Classic form and eyes on the prize. Lance is a true CD type of guy.
There's a Sig Alert just off the southbound 5, Lance Mountain's shoe is in the number 2 lane, and Lance and Stevie are in the number 3 lane.
The mysterious Magnusson phone calls were the comedy highlight of the event. In the week leading up to Saturday, voicemails were left on nearly every one of the Masters' competitors phones, by a falsetto accented voice claiming to be Tony Mag. These messages boasted of ripping practice sessions in which Tony was killing it, and threatened to wipe the floors of the bowls with the recipients of these messages. I was able solve this mystery with the help of a certain CD double agent, and if the money is right, I might divulge the truth at a later date.
"Helloooo... This is Tony Magnusson. I've been having a lot of good sessions down at Vans, I've been ripping. Where have you been? are you afraid? I'm going to snake you... I'm going to wipe the floor of the Combi with you..."
Rumors of the reasons for Trujillo's withdrawing from the event are flying like mosquitos in the swamp. Don't ask me, because I don't know, but don't believe half of what you hear... He'll be back next year, no doubt about it.
Will Powers drinks WAY too much Kronik. Maybe that, or he is certifiably fucking insane. Fortunately he applies his insanity to skateboarding, because otherwise he might have to be institutionalized immediately for the safety of our society. "Oh I have an idea, I'll just bomb drop the round from the bleachers..." Yeah... Will... you fucking nut!
Crazy Motherfucker, Will Powers.
I know you're tired of hearing me say it, but Steve Caballero still has the best frontside invert in skateboarding.
Hetfield's got nothing on the Greek. Jimmy turned shit upside down in his runs and just belted the fuck out of it. Frontside invert with heavy metal style.
The pacific northwest daggers drove all night to get to the qualifiers and they all made it. Steve Reeves, Johnny Turgeson, and Rion Linderman are madmen. This the effect of so much big concrete... padless, helmetless psychos. These young gentlemen are dangerous.
A big hearty smiling fuck you goes out to Jake Phelps. He's a real funny guy, or maybe he just thinks he is. He tried to salt my game for wearing my vip wristband into the bar Saturday night accusing me of "trying really hard to be a part of something". I know Jake was probably just fucking with me, and I'm having a good laugh about the whole thing for two reasons.
1. I'm mailing the vip wristband to him (To: Jake With Love, Christian) because maybe he needs it a bit more than I do. After all he is much more of a "very important person" than I am.
2. When the minimal coverage appears in Thrasher some months down the road, we will have moved on to several other things already. It's not that they aren't capable of covering this event right, they probably just won't bother. They have to sell mags you know, and pool contests don't sell print mags... demographically speaking.
Anyways, it's all good, Phelps is Phelps, and for that we all love him, right?
Watch out Crosland! Duane Indy airs out into the path of oncoming express train Mike Smith.
Nothin' but a little tail grabbin' courtesy of Rune Glifberg.
"I choked. We can say that right? That I choked? That was such a chokefest..."-Grosso
Call it what you want Jeff, I'm just stoked to see you riding a skateboard, especially with this kind of power.
Why the fuck is this article titled: Apocalypse now? I don't know, maybe it's reference to the napalm strafing scene in the movie, or maybe it's linked to the insanity the actors and director experienced during the filming, which is documented in Hearts of Darkness. I felt like I was sitting on a massive napalm canister at Vans, and that sucker went off right at the conclusion of the pro finals. Yeah, that's it. So now that it is all in the books, and a new banner will be hoisted at Vans in honor of this year's champions, I need a larynx transplant. And as far as next year is concerned, if I had to, I would fly 10,000 miles just to be there. It was that good. This is what competition skateboarding needs to be. This kind of energy. This kind of environment. A feeding frenzy of pure adrenaline. In a pool. For a contest, this is exactly the best possible scenario. If you need more formal coverage of a PG-13 nature you can check out my analysis over at the official Vans Protec Pool Party website. As for me, well, somehow I have to now file all of this away in my head and stop obsessing over just how sick it was... because next year, it might even be crazier. It seems impossible, but the impossible occurs daily in skateboarding. Live with it.
Burnquist, cool and collected in mid-frontside 540. Never doubt that for a moment that the guy is having fun, you can see it in his face.
All kinds of things can go wrong with a fastplant. Unless you're Chris Miller. Den everyting gon' be irie mon.
Bucky Lasek. Study this for a moment to see if you can figure out how he has turned a cruel game of Twister into a massive japanese slob corner traverse.
Well I guess that about does it. Everything is blown up and burnt down. Go home.
Check out the massive MRZ Vans Protec Pool Party galleries here:
RESULTS:
Girls:
9th: Kim Peterson
8) Heidi Fitzgerald
7) Julie K.
6) Mandy Esch
5) Jen O'brien
4) Nicole Zuck
3) Holly Lyons
2) Mimi Knoop
1) Carabeth Burnside
Best Trick Girls:
Mimi Knoops Nose grind in the square
Masters:
10) Lester Kasai
9) Pat Ngoho
8) Duane Peters
7) Steve Alba
6) Mike Smith
5) Tony Magnusson
4) Lance Mountain
3) Steve Caballero
2) Jeff Grosso
1) Chris Miller
Clown Award:
John Fudala
Pro:
10) Jimmy the Greek
9) Bruno Passos
8) Joshua Borden
7) Bucky Lasek
6) Bob Burnquist
5) Andy Macdonald
4) Benji Galloway
3) Brian Patch
2) Rune Glifberg
1) Omar Hassan
Best Trick:
Will Powers bomb drop from the bleachers into the Combi (Fucking sick!)
Rockstar Award:
Joshua Borden
Related Articles:
2005 Pro-Tec Pool Party Article
2005 Pro-Tec Pool Party Photo Gallery
Vans Skatepark Listing
-BLKPRJKT / PHOTOS MRZ |
Tuesday 16th 2006f May 2006 10:52
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